Chris McCausland - The Human

Chris McCausland is a human from Liverpool who lives in the leafy suburbs of South West London.

He was born in 1977 just three weeks after Liverpool’s first European Cup triumph and was incredibly disappointed to have missed the occasion.

he loves technology and gadgets and football and comedy and a very specific type of sci-fi, although he struggles to explain exactly what this is.

He absolutely can’t stand mayonnaise and Facebook and any song that uses autotune as a way of masking a lack of actual talent.

he can’t really do beatbox but enjoys his daughter’s total lack of exposure to the art form which means that she thinks he’s amazing.

He loves pizza way too much but never actually tried one until he was 19 years old which is just weird really.

He got an F in GCSE French and only managed a C in English Literature despite cheating in his exam.

His degree is in software engineering which is nothing like normal engineering.

He is a fan of both Apple and apples and often enjoys typing on one whilst eating the other.

He is not very political.

His general mood usually correlates with the latest success or failure of Liverpool Football Club.

He has an uncontrollable addiction to Salt & Vinegar Pringles but is seeking help.

He is blind and lost his site gradually due to a condition called Retinitis Pigmentosa which sounds sexier than it really is.

He makes a fairly decent spag bol but then again who doesn’t.

He is terrified of flying in planes but weirdly fine with hot air balloons.

He is a huge fan of music and one of those irritating people that still buys it on vinyl.

It was only late in life that he learned how to say the word cutlery properly.

He’s never watched a James Bond film.

He can’t touch his nose with his tongue.

He’s been losing his hair very very slowly for years now.

His knees crack every time he crouches down.

And his mouth hangs open whenever he thinks too hard.

He therefore tries not to think too hard.

Chris McCausland