The website of comedian Chris McCausland

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Chris McCausland wearing a trilby and shades

Chris McCausland – Human

Chris McCausland is a human from Liverpool who lives in the leafy suburbs of South West London.

He was born in 1977, just three weeks after Liverpool’s first European Cup triumph and was incredibly disappointed to have missed the occasion.

He loves technology and music and football and comedy and a very specific type of sci-fi, although he struggles to explain exactly what this is.

He absolutely can’t stand mayonnaise and Facebook and any song that uses autotune as a way of masking a lack of any actual vocal talent.

He loves pizza, but never actually tried one until he was twenty years old.

He got an F in GCSE French and only managed a C in English Literature despite cheating in his exam.

He obtained a bronze Duke of Edinburgh Award and cheated to obtain this as well, but thankfully the Duke never found out about this.

He once got disqualified from an egg and spoon race for holding the egg down with his thumb and hoping that nobody would notice, but later claimed that he didn’t want to win the stupid race anyway.

His degree is in software engineering, which is nothing like normal engineering.

He is a fan of both Apple and apples, and often enjoys typing on one whilst eating the other.

He is not very political, and his general mood usually correlates with the latest success or failure of Liverpool Football Club.

He has an uncontrollable addiction to Salt & Vinegar Pringles, but is seeking help.

He is blind and lost his site gradually due to a condition called Retinitis Pigmentosa, which sounds sexier than it really is.

He makes a fairly decent spag bol, but then again who doesn’t.

He is terrified of flying in planes, but is weirdly fine with hot air balloons.

He is a child of the 90’s grunge scene, but has never been to Seattle.

He is one of those irritating people that still buys music on vinyl, and who loves to bore people to death about this fact.

He has never watched a single James Bond film and is absolutely fine with this.

He has been losing his hair very very slowly for years but is still in denial about this.

His knees crack every time he crouches down and his mouth hangs open whenever he thinks too hard.

He therefore tries to do neither of these things.

Chris McCausland