Top Secret Comedy

Last night I was playing at Top Secret Comedy Club in Drury Lane in Covent Garden. Although I have heard tons of great things about the club, I had for some reason just never played there before.

On the way in to London the train guard had announced that trains back home would be stopping at 11:30 and that there would be busses instead for those last few journeys of the night. It was absolutely bloody freezing, and so I didn’t really fancy going home 14 miles on a bus, so the plan was to get in to London, do my first show in Leicester Square, head over to Top Secret, see what all of the fuss was about, and then leg it afterwards for that final train.

This was all working exactly to plan. The first gig in Leicester Square went off without any hitches, and Top Secret was exactly as had been described… A busy bustling vibrant underground lair of booze and belly laughs!

I was closing the show, and so I did my twenty which was absolutely tons of fun, grabbed my coat, and headed back up to street level to just get myself sorted for the intense cold outside, before making that quick getaway.

I duffled my duffles up, said thanks to the girl on the reception, and told her to tell Mark – the owner – that I had to run but I’d drop him an email during the week, and with that I turned on my heals to walk out of the door.

“Woe woe woe!” she said in a bit of a panic. “You’re on in here as well aren’t you?”

Just then, A door popped open to reveal the sound of a second laughing audience.

“Huh?” I said.

“There’s another show on in here, you’re meant to be closing that one too! The MC is on now and is just waiting for us to let her know you’re good to go. You are good to go aren’t you?”

Well this was honestly the first I’d bloody heard of two shows, so I mentally adjusted to the idea of a replacement bus service home, unduffled my duffles, took my coat off and wandered in to this new unknown show… I thought – Jesus, no wonder this club is called Top Secret Comedy, not even the comedian’s know what bloody shows are on!

And this is where the second funny thing happened… As I walked into the room, the MC was smashing it. One of the staff flashed a light over in her direction to let her know that I was ready to go, which indeed I was – again!… And so she introduced me on to the stage. We had never met each other prior to this moment, and neither of us really knew anything about the other, except that somebody must have told her in advance that I was blind.

As I approached the stage, with Graham – my regular hired help for these things down here – guiding me through the crowd, there was a bit of a kerfuffle as we got to the stage. The MC had simply assumed that Graham was me, and rather than him guiding me through the crowd by leading from the front, she had assumed that I was guiding him through the crowd by shoving from the back. Basically she tried to help him on to the stage and show him where the microphone was. As soon as she clocked her mistake, mainly down to the look of total bafflement on Graham’s face at her trying to help him, she just cracked up laughing, probably through a bit of embarrassment more than anything, and jumped ship as quickly as she could get out of there.

Nobody has ever made that mistake before, and I very much doubt it will likely happen again, but it all just added to the mayhem and chaos of what turned out to be a massively fun introduction to a vibrant comedy club that I deffo hope to return to soon! – Oh, and at least I know now that Graham must actually look more blind than I do!

So, until next time Top Secret Comedy Club!… Although next time, I’ll just be sure to double check how many shows there are, and I’ll do my best to look a bit more blind.

Oh… And we also still managed to make that last train home too – so Woo for us!


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About me...

I am a stand-up comedian from Liverpool. I am blind, and I live with my wife and young daughter in South West London.

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