5 things I hate about Peppa Pig

Yes, I hate Peppa Pig. Peppa Pig is one of those phenomena’s that despite its success, or maybe because of it, really seems to get under my skin and make me want to peal it off.

Here are 5 things that I hate about Peppa Pig, the show as a whole rather than Peppa Pig herself – I could write a much longer list about that little bitch!

  1. They are all the same size!…

    All the animals are the same size. Yes I know that physiological proportion isn’t something that is upheld in all other animated series, I mean Mickey is bigger than his dog – But in Peppa Pig it drives me mad more than others as there is such a wide range of different species represented, and the cat is the same size as the dog, which is the same size as the sheep, which is the same size as the donkey, which is the same size as the sodding elephant! “But Chris, if you are blind, then how can this irritate you so much?” – It just does- ok. I have to listen to them all being the same size as each other, and I think that might be worse. I don’t know how it might be worse, but I want to kill everybody involved in drawing them.

  2. Its inconsistent!…

    How The rabbit family live in a warren in a hill and eat carrots and pretty much live like rabbits do… But the pig family live in a house and eat chocolate cake like pigs definitely don’t do. If you’re making the rabbits live in a hill and only letting them eat carrots, then the pigs should be in a sty eating slop, or give the rabbits a house and let them eat lasagne or something . Sort it out!

  3. Its over simplistic!…

    I know that the show is for tiny little kids with hardly any brains, but it is often massively over simplified, and I think that this is more out of laziness from the script writers than anything else. In one episode Daddy Pig had to ask for directions to Windy Castle, and the directions were – Go straight down this road and you’ll see it in front of you. In fact when they got there, they could even bloody see where they had just come from. Its this kind of over simplistic lazy writing that makes even vegetarian parents want to slaughter a pig and serve pork chops for lunch.


  4. The unfunny endings!…

    It has always annoyed me that each shitty episode ends with a shitty joke, or even shittier wisecrack that just isn’t funny but makes everybody laugh uncontrollably. However as I am blind, until just recently I was blissfully unaware that these moments were also accompanied by everybody in the final scene falling to the floor and wriggling around with fits of laughter, even when they were in the bloody opticians. It annoyed me before but now I feel incensed by the whole thing every time it happens. This coupled with the fact that they are all the same size as each other – and the shitty lazy writing, and I’m surprised I’m even able to talk about it without wanting to cut myself to be honest.

  5. Its too short!…

    What? If it drives you mad so much how can you now be moaning that the episodes are too short? Because the episodes are just five minutes long, which is nothing more than just a testament to the simplicity and laziness of the whole thing, and which means that the shitty bloody theme tune or jingle just seems to be on a constant sodding loop – And so after being on for just half an hour it has embedded itself in your head so thoroughly that the only thing that can dislodge it is the ‘Bing Bong’ song – And don’t get me started on that fucking ’Bing Bong’ song! – It makes me want to put my foot through the telly and kill everybody within a five mile radius.

…And breathe… Ok, I feel a lot better now I’ve got that off my chest. I’m sure I could write several lists on this God awful monstrosity of a show, but if you have any personal reasons why you hate Peppa Pig, then get in touch and let me know and I might include them on the next list. If you happen to quite like Peppa Pig and disagree with everything I’ve said, then unfollow me straight away and never ever speak to me again – You’re an idiot!

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About me...

I am a stand-up comedian from Liverpool. I am blind, and I live with my wife and young daughter in South West London.

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