I eat a lot of bloody humus these days

I eat a lot of bloody humus these days. It’s only really a relatively recent thing with me though.

I am awful at estimating times, but I’d say I’ve probably eaten it fairly excessively for about two years or so now. I eat it a little bit hear and there for maybe three years before that, and was probably aware of the stuff but didn’t touch it for five years previous to that. According to the maths, which in fairness is based on some pretty rough estimations, that means I have about a ten year awareness of humus existing in the world.

I am aware of loads of foods that I’ve never eaten before, but I still know they exist.

I’ve heard of Gazpacho Soup – admittedly because of the Red Dwarf episode – But it still counts, I’ve still heard of it haven’t I – but I’ve never actually had any Gazpacho Soup.

I’ve never eaten frogs legs or tofu, Caviar or Crab Cakes, but I know they all exist as foods, and have known of them for pretty much all of my life – But humus? I reckon before about ten years ago I had never even heard of the bloody stuff, why is that? I thought I’d have a Google…

Although it’s a pretty ancient food, according to this article on the BBC, Waitrose were the first to stock it in the late 80s – of course they bloody were. Then it was Marks, but then Tesco have only actually stocked it for about twenty years or so, so that means I have been unaware of it’s existence for only about half of it’s proper UK existence, and not my entire life, which makes a bit more sense I suppose.

I like either the plain stuff, or the one with jalapeños in, because I’m tough as nails. According to that same BBC article though, in America you can get peanut butter and chocolate moose flavoured humus, Jesus, no wonder they’re all fat as fucking pigs.

Anyway, I like humus. It makes me feel like I’m being healthy without actually having to make much effort, so I’m big into that, and as it turns out, for an ancient food, it hasn’t been around for that long after all really.

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About me...

I am a stand-up comedian from Liverpool. I am blind, and I live with my wife and young daughter in South West London.

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